Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
