you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
