All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
