Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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