sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
