So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
