I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
