My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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