Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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