Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
