Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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