I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just gift wrapped bread.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
