I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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