I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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