ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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