They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
