where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
