I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Randomize
