Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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