I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
