I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
