Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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