I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
