Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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