When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
