i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
