i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
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