Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
