How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
