remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
