I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
