Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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