she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
