I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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