The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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