Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
