ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
