i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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