i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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