Come see our sink grown plant.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
