Four minutes until I can fart!
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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