I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
