i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
