I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
