I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
