its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Found the puke drawer
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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