where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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