At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
