I cannot find my penis.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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