We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
